Everyone who lives with a pet eventually comes face-to-face with the unpleasant task of living without their furry companion. While pets occasionally outlive their owners, normally, it is the other way around. And brother, losing a pet is one of life's harder experiences.
While I am generally a dog person, I do have cats. All rescues, all with different personalities and levels of interaction with me. Little Bitty Kitty was my oldest, and I lost her a few days ago. Sometimes, it feels like she died five seconds ago. Sometimes, it feels as if I've been grieving forever.
The depth of my grief surprised me. I love my cats, don't get me wrong. But cats don't have the emotional tie-in with me that my dogs have, and I always thought I was less attached to them because of this. I was definitely mistaken.
Little Bitty Kitty was a quiet cat. I don't recall ever hearing her meow. When she was hungry, which wasn't often because I keep the food bowl filled, she simply began weaving around my legs for attention.
I'm pretty good about keeping the water bowl filled, too, but sometimes, if I'm busy elsewhere, the water is consumed without my instantaneous knowledge. Little Bitty Kitty, apparently fearing I would not notice the empty bowl, had a solution: she sat in it. Sure enough, it was impossible to walk past without noticing the cat sitting patiently and silently in the middle of the empty bowl. Her method was foolproof while she was alive. Now that she is buried not far from me, the sight of that empty bowl with no cat sitting in it is horribly painful. I miss her. I miss her more than I thought I would.
Grief is grief, just as love is love. You can grieve for or love one being more than another, but it really does not matter what form that being takes, whether human, feline, canine or reptilian. Loss is loss. Anyone who says you cannot love an animal as you love a person has never truly loved an animal. Of course you can love a pet as strongly as you love a human. Many people don't, but I have to wonder if they can't, or simply refuse to allow it. Loving a pet deeply does not in any way diminish whatever love you may have for a human being.
I loved Little Bitty Kitty. I don't have to worry about forgetting her, because every time I look at that water bowl, I think of her. Right now, it makes me cry. Eventually, I will look at the empty bowl and in my memory see her sitting there so quietly, waiting for me to notice and fulfill my duty. And I will smile.
I hope the smile comes soon.
